Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Guys, there's so much pain around body identity, so many secret things that people carry around, and they're locked behind these walls of shame when it comes to eating disorders, and this is especially true with men.
Some people aren't even aware that men can have eating disorders. Well, today I'm going to sit down with Patrick Deveney and hear his story. Whether you're dealing with this or any level of shame or difficulty when it comes to your own body, Patrick Deveney's story is going to bring you grace and healing today on the Chris Stefanik Show.
Welcome to the Chris Stefanik show. Guys. We're here every week for you because we love you. We just want to inspire you to live and share the joy of the gospel. Missionaries of Joy want to thank you for powering this work. If you want to become a missionary of joy, click below this video jump on board. In addition to knowing you're helping us change the world, we help you change your life. You get access to all of our different programs and coaching and all this stuff to just help you live and share the joy of the gospel. This episode is sponsored in part by ewtn. You can catch this and so much more goodness on EWTN streaming. Don't just watch this on social media. Watch it on a great platform that's totally devoted to God. Link is below in the show notes. And I want to inspire you every single day.
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Patrick Deveney, I love you, man. I love you. One of my favorite people.
And I love how you dress.
[00:01:40] Speaker B: You know, I had to anticipate, how do I look the best? And so I just looked up, I was like, what is Chris's normal outfit? Do I go colors? Do I not? And then I was like, I'm going all black with apparently a lot of lint.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: It's black T shirt day at Real Life Catholic.
[00:01:53] Speaker B: That's what I'm here for.
[00:01:54] Speaker A: I think I own 10 of these.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: Do you?
[00:01:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I just don't think. I just. Here's the drawer.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Black T shirt. Pop it on.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: I mean, you got those muscles. Let it rip, dude.
Let it rip.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: Thank you for noticing 100%.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: It's a nice shirt. I need more of them.
[00:02:08] Speaker A: There's also thought that Goes into it real life Catholic. Like, people will look and say, he doesn't dress professionally. Like, no, this is the professional garbage.
If the vibe we're going for is accessible to everybody.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: That's.
[00:02:22] Speaker A: It's not like highbrow theology. It's not someone who I can't be like. I want people to look and be like, hey, you look like an average guy. I'm like, exactly.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: You know, that has always been something I've tried to hold firm on. On primarily, you know, with the background coming from like that Walmart sized Protestant kind of church. But when the pastor's up there and they're dressed, you know, they look rad. They've got tattoos, the whole nine yards.
And then coming in after I was confirmed and even going through RCIA and a lot of that, I had to get used to a lot of, you know, there are no fog machines. Pastors not coming in off like the tightrope down there.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: Shouldn't be fog machines. 100%. I would say maybe one in a thousand. They bust out the fog machine at the Catholic mass.
[00:03:03] Speaker B: They do it like. Yeah.
[00:03:06] Speaker A: With the in sensors. That actually is the original fog machine.
[00:03:09] Speaker B: That. And sometimes they go hard in the paint on those.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Yeah, that's metal.
That's metal right there.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: That is.
But I've tried to hold it like, it feels like a welcoming space sometimes where it's just like, oh, this?
[00:03:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:21] Speaker B: Because especially coming in, you have a lot to get used to.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: So up, down, and, you know, a lot, you know, what's the priest wearing? And there's just a lot of curveballs you got to get used to. So I've kind of always.
[00:03:32] Speaker A: Sit. Neil, stand. What do I do?
[00:03:34] Speaker B: That up, down.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:35] Speaker B: Above a lot of prayer. I'm like, what? I don't know this prayer. What's happening now? So.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Okay, so I'm glad we're starting here.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: Perfect.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: I want to dive in to the deep end. Talk about eating disorders. Most people think guys can never have those or they have them and they get a pat on the back. It's like, dude, you look great, man.
With women, it stands out like a sore thumb. It's an obvious problem.
There's not a stigma around talking about it. So, I mean, first, thank you for your courage and, like, willingness to let us just open up the scalpel and just look at the stuff that you've been through. Thank you. But first, before we dive into that. Yeah. Tell us about the conversion. Man.
[00:04:10] Speaker B: Man, that was a.
A long, windy road.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: Throughout that entire process, I Was baptized Catholic, but pretty much grew up. The whole creaseter deal of Christmas and Easter, and that was pretty much to bring my grandmother to mass.
And then life kind of took off. I mean, again, we didn't really do church and then went through a windy path. In his life, I played football.
That kind of became my idol and what I had worshiped, you know, and I think so you run out of the tunnel and I would spread the 100 yards, take a knee, do my prayer.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: But prayer was college football.
[00:04:51] Speaker B: College football, yeah.
Would you play for you start University of Colorado. Went there as a quarterback and then got switched to tight end, which actually, that's an important note as we start to go into the eating disorder side of things.
But I was also somebody, you know, you ran down, take a knee, you do your prayer, then there's kickoff.
But prayers revolved around like, let me catch a touchdown and don't get hurt. And it was very superficial on that front. Then got a chance to go to the Seattle Seahawks, went up there for a little bit, ruptured 10 in my wrist, got sent home.
And that was like the first time on my pedestal that it got kicked out from underneath me and hit like
[00:05:35] Speaker A: 101 injury, man, just messes up the whole thing.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: And it happens across the board.
But I was one of those guys that was borderline anyways. So no team's gonna wait around for me, any of that. And I had three best friends that played for the New York jets. And I was in this, like, weird phase of life of I'm watching that, this insane amount of money, and they're quasi celebrities. But then I was working as a host in a restaurant with a cast on my wrist.
Kind of lost my dream start to kind of hit a low point, but on the curtails of my friends. So the hard part, though was. And you see with a lot of ex athletes, I was never. It never felt like I was myself. I was always so and so's friend, you know, like, so that kind of became my identity.
Then I lost my mom unexpectedly. And that's where things really took a turn. But even through football, the dream was always, buy mom a house, right? And you want to have that sort of image. So when I couldn't do that, she became my pedestal.
And then there's some things between. But by the grace of God. I had a football coach at CU who was Bill McCartney at CU, kind of developed a lot of faith around the program. And this coach was one of my biggest mentors, and he called me out of the blue one day when I was in the thick of it, Depression and all the above.
And he was kind of the one that really started to dive into faith and had a few friends along the way too. In that phase that I was like, no, no, I'm good. I'll figure this out. It's on me. And about the fifth time of somebody felt like a sandbag in the face of just like, have you thought about Christ? Have you looked into it?
So what is happening?
And that was where I started to go to.
[00:07:32] Speaker A: He was overtly inviting you.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Yeah. And it kind of just literally have
[00:07:37] Speaker A: you when you, you, you have. You're just at rock bottom here in life.
[00:07:41] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:07:41] Speaker A: And he's saying, have you thought about Jesus? Yeah, we need to say that more.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: It.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: He's the golden bullet dude, without a doubt.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: And at first I wanted, you know, I was trying to deflect.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:51] Speaker B: I was like, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. It's. It felt awkward.
I didn't come from that background. I just was like, I can. I've always been. I could do it on my own and I'll figure it out.
But I had hit such rock bottom.
And I think I respected him so much that all of a sudden I started to listen and was like, okay, what is happening? He invited me to church.
He was the first one. His biggest scripture is Romans 8, 28.
And that really resonated with me, especially after everything I've gone through and just lost my mom and trying to figure out like the why me.
And I was in the thick of an eating disorder.
A lot of things felt like working against me. And then I could kind of hang everything on. It's for a bigger plan. And it's not just a.
There's a bigger aspect to this that was consoling in that sense.
And then I met my now wife and I was convinced I was gonna convert her to go to Protestant church. And that was a big piece. We ended up bouncing around to parishes around Denver and none of them really landing.
I'm used to the music and, you know, we joke like the fog machines. It's this whole pack, the jetpack coming in zip lines, and you're amazed the whole time.
[00:09:21] Speaker A: And then, well, they gotta sell it. Like, no one is waking up thinking, well, I'm a Catholic. We've been Catholic for a thousand years, so I have to go. No one's waking up thinking, like, our family's been non denominational since St. Patrick converted Ireland. No, no one's doing that. You know what I mean?
[00:09:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: So you got like, there has to be that.
And there's a blessing to that.
[00:09:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:41] Speaker A: Cause it stays, like, singularly focused on. We gotta get people.
Which Catholics should do, too. Yeah.
[00:09:46] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: But sorry, go ahead.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: No, no. And it, you know, I was like, all right, once Steph starts to see this, she'll fall in love with it. And she, of course, is. She was a focus missionary.
Then we start dating, and now I look back and she. I could just see the picture, the look in her eye of like, there's not a chance I'm gonna lose this thing. But she walked with me through it, and we were doubling up. We would go to, like, Protestant church and then go to Mass.
And then I was blessed to go to our church out here, Our lady of Lourdes. And I met you, and it just.
And the praying with my T shirt on.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: We were in all black.
The nice part. Remember, Our lady of Lourdes was in the gym. They were doing the church renovation.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:10:35] Speaker B: So for me, walking into that, it's a strange blessing.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: It felt normal.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: The church I was at, it was in, like an old supermarket.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:44] Speaker B: You know, so it kind of took the walls down. The music was phenomenal, and I was able to kind of step into that. And then maybe Lord had the renovation
[00:10:53] Speaker A: happen at that time just for you.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: That's.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: I would put that beyond God without a doubt.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: And it was a hook, line, sinker. It just, you know, praise God. Then I started working for the church. It just escalated so quick out of it and fell in love with it.
And so, yeah, there's a lot of ups and downs in there.
[00:11:13] Speaker A: Hey, friend. I want to invite you into something that's changing lives. Every single day, people all over the world are rediscovering their faith, finding real joy, and learning how to share the gospel with confidence. And guess what? These lives are forever being transformed because of our Missionaries of Joy, our incredible monthly supporters.
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So the journey to Jesus, the journey to the Catholic Church.
I want to talk about your whole journey to healing.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: Maybe I'll cut to the end and then we'll go to the details. Because when people think, you know Jesus, does he really solve problems like eating disorders and depression and all that stuff?
We can't bypass the natural stuff and the counseling and all the other helps. Right. But so often we go into those details and we miss the overarching fix for ultimate fix for everything.
When you said, I see life as having something that makes sense, part of a story like this worldview shift, this metanoia, this change of mind, that wow, all these bad things that are happening, there's God who loves me is in charge.
How does that actually. How did you experience Jesus working with all the other things to actually fix an eating disorder, to actually fix feeling like hopeless about everything?
How draw the connections for us?
[00:13:34] Speaker B: It honestly, when it came down to it, it felt like the only thing that would solidify it. And you have all your therapy and you have things to practice and CBT methods and what's cbt? Cognitive behavioral therapy. And you can kind of walk that.
But at the end of the day, what it came down for me was again, understanding there's something bigger in play.
But because I had lost so much along the way that I did idolize, I quickly realized that the only thing we do have that's going to be consistent will always be there, no matter what curve balls are getting thrown. Your way is Jesus and the scripture and the Word.
And so being able to everything else can be superficial. And you're in it, you're motivated for one minute and then you're not and all of that. So staying disciplined to handle adversity. Because if you can't, that's where especially with an eating disorder, you have those ups and downs, you hit it down and you can easily revert back.
Right. So being able to throw yourself into that and surrounding yourself around mentors or, you know, my wife and all of that can to keep you on track with your faith.
That was when I quickly realized everything else can come and go and you're motivated and you're not. And it's a slippery slope without Jesus at the center of it and being able to throw yourself into scripture and Word to get through it.
[00:15:12] Speaker A: There's like, it's the why behind the healing that.
[00:15:14] Speaker B: Yep, that's right.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: And there's the grace too.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
It's bigger. It's not just yourself.
[00:15:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: You know, and you can't manhandle your way through it.
[00:15:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: You need to be able to lean on something. And that one constant, no matter what you're going through is going to be Jesus.
So without that again, it was even like at the Protestant church or sometimes you feel it in the Catholic church when priests are reassigned. Right. And you have that where it's that reality check of like am I here for Jesus or am I here for the pastor or the priest or whomever? And you can quickly kind of. That mirror gets held up of like you're infatuated that. So how do you. And it's the same in therapy if you move and now you no longer have your therapist or there's so many variables involved outside of scripture and Jesus. And that is your one constant no matter what you're going through.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: So the floor is falling out in society. We're dealing with all the symptoms of that or symptoms of things that happen to us. With no flooring and no fundamental worldview that says life makes sense and it's inherently good. And it's like, okay, well I can medicate myself and feel better and learn to talk to myself. Right. And feel better to a certain degree within the context of life is a big cosmic accident. And I'm self aware space sludge going nowhere. Okay.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:16:42] Speaker A: You know, and it's only go so far. Dude.
[00:16:44] Speaker B: It's a slippery slope too. Of just being candid of especially in the mental health space.
Trying to find mentors that are faithful and let alone Catholic or don't see
[00:16:59] Speaker A: faith as an obstacle to your healing.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: That's correct. And there's so many advocates in that space that are anti faith. And you know, there's a lot of what's happening in society in that space. And it's. That's probably the biggest challenge in what I try to do as an advocate of. You have to navigate a lot of.
I don't even know the word. A lot of societal issues going on and all of that to navigate it. So really trying to hunker down in your faith and find those right mentors and being able to withstand a lot that's coming at you. Because when you really Start to gain traction in therapy and recovery, it could be very easy to go a completely different direction outside of faith and Jesus.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: So tell me about your slide into an eating disorder.
[00:17:51] Speaker B: Yeah. And you nailed it in everything I do the minute. And it even happened out the gates in recovery. But nobody thinks males can get eating disorders.
Typically when you think of an eating disorder it says 60 pound white female.
But when I look at it, if you want to see and there's a phase of disordered eating that then goes to an eating disorder.
And if you want to experience disordered eating, stand by the dumbbell rack at 24 Hour Fitness or whatever gym. Right. You will instantly hear somebody's talking about how they're going keto. Somebody's talking about how they're going paleo or intermittent fasting or any of those.
Which again, there's a lot to be said about that.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: But I mean they're not all inherently bad. No, but there's an obsession, right. That. Yeah. How do you know when you're tipping over into obsession? And it's funny you bring up the gym because people are like, oh, people at church are so judgmental. It's like, go to your local gym 100%. When you get judged on appearances.
[00:18:54] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: It's like we don't hold a candle up to some of these gems when it comes to being judged in appearances.
[00:19:00] Speaker B: And I mean that's. You're up against a multi billion dollar industry and that is the marketing. You go to the grocery store and you're standing there at checkout and there's men's health, muscle and fitness. Everything's how to get abs in six days and weight loss.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: Right. Yeah.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: So it's playing.
[00:19:19] Speaker A: Are you kidding me?
[00:19:20] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:19:20] Speaker A: Like that's tai chi plus a little steroids. That is what I'm saying.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: That is you can't talk about, especially in athletics or that piece. You really can't talk about eating disorders without performance enhancing drugs that go. There's a lot hand in hand. But when you are looking at that, there was a great Hollywood Reporter article a long time ago talking about Dwayne Johnson's contracts and a lot of.
Again, I always talk about Dwayne because he's great. But at the same time there's a lot of things that could be like his whole like the cheat meals and all the above. It can very easily escalate when you don't have doctors and everything that he has.
[00:20:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:06] Speaker B: But how much is built into a contract for paying for his doctors, paying for the supplements, paying for all that, that your normal guy going or teenager going to the gym wants that and sees it consistently, but they're going to start doing, you know, if they start to dive into performance enhancing drugs or any of that, where are we getting it from? What is it? Is it oil? Is it actually something? Is it what's in that bot? Like, it's a really slippery slope, but can escalate. So when you, for me, when you're thinking about your diet and your gym and your image and body composition 24, 7 or most of your day, I would find myself in conversations with people having, you know, again, I just lost my mom and I'm having amazing conversations with people in my life at that time that I love dearly.
And while I'm actually speaking, I'm not paying attention. I'm thinking about my next, you know, I'm gonna go to the grocery store, I'm gonna buy this food, I'm gonna binge on it. My emotions are all out of whack.
Everything I'm doing revolves around that and I'm not actually paying attention.
And that's something I look forward to. But then once it happens, now I'm in this self beat up mode. I'm going to go to the gym.
And this is where, to your point, you start to get applauded.
If I go to the gym the next morning, I'm there for three hours and you're kind of that Dwayne Johnson sweat equity and you leave the gym and you're draining sweat out of your clothes and everyone's talking about how dedicated
[00:21:45] Speaker A: you are and you're 3% body fat. And I think that's great.
[00:21:49] Speaker B: Everyone help me get on a program, put together a diet for me, all that. But meanwhile, they don't understand.
I'm there beating myself up and I'm in the trenches of trying to deal with life. But my vice is food and the gym and all that.
If I walked into the same environment and we're going to hang out and I start ripping shots, you'd be like, dude, it's 10:00am what, what is happening? You know, like that's a real red flag. If I come in and I start overeating on broccoli, you're going to be like, dude, you know, or binging on whatever.
[00:22:26] Speaker A: Binging on benches.
[00:22:28] Speaker B: Yeah, whatever it might be. All of a sudden you're looking at being like, that's amazing. Like, that's great. But there aren't the red flags there.
And the biggest piece is the marketing around all of it, around the eating disorder space that it is. You type in eating disorders on Google, go to the images, it's going to be all female.
And you just. No one recognizes it or thinks it's plausible, so they kind of just go through it. But there's this weird facade of somehow it's healthy when you are sticking to such a regiment and trying to battle all that. But it's. You're up against it because the marketing
[00:23:08] Speaker A: and the money, it's not about food, it's not about fitness. What's it about?
[00:23:12] Speaker B: I think you can replace it with drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Like, what drove you to become addictive with these things.
[00:23:20] Speaker B: So the big piece for me, and this goes back so when I went to the University of Colorado, I went there as a quarterback my freshman year. They had. We fired our head coach on the plane flight home from a Big 12 championship game. So Colorado at the time was definitely competitive, really good.
We had lost 70 to 3 in the Big 12 championship game.
Fire Coach Barnett, we get a new head coach.
And his son came in to play quarterback.
I loved Boulder too much. College football landscape looked way different than it does now. If you transferred, you had to go sit out a year and you lost a year.
So I didn't. And I loved Boulder and I loved my friends. So I was, okay, I'm gonna get my degree and I'm out of here. But what happened in that is instantly now, if I'm gonna go to tight end, I need to get bigger, stronger, faster, leaner in order to play have any chance in this. And CU at the time had a string of tight ends that were all phenomenal.
So all of a sudden you're trying to gain a bunch of weight, but you really start to dive into this. I'm only going to eat brown rice, broccoli and chicken breast.
And you're in this weight gain program and you start to see it where you get one or two. And a lot of people don't think of eating disorders in football.
If you're going to think about it, maybe wrestling, because you're guys are wearing trash bags trying to cut weight, all of that.
But by position in football, you're going to have a lot based on your physique and this number you're supposed to be at.
So there'd be times where if you're on a weight game program, guys are walking in and putting two and a half pound plates in their, like girdles, stepping on the scale, oh, wow. If not, if you didn't make your weight, you'd have to go drink these horrific Gatorade protein shakes and you can't leave the office. It's like you're consistently being monitored based on like an Excel sheet.
[00:25:24] Speaker A: That is intense, man.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: Yeah, it's brutal. And if you're on a cut, then you didn't make it. So now you're gonna go out and do conditioning harder and yeah, now for
[00:25:33] Speaker A: some people, it's about control issues and stuff. Was it control for you or was it more just obsession with the career and with the golden God of your football career?
What was the vein of addiction for you?
[00:25:46] Speaker B: It slowly progressed. So it was this concept of I want to excel. And you're starting to look at how much money is involved with being drafted and the upside of that. And I have this goal of being able to provide for my mom and life up to that point. My childhood was.
There's a lot of darkness in there. My parents were divorced really early. Came from, you know, then from that point, stepfather was somewhat abusive relationship.
My father had tried to commit suicide. There was just a lot that was built up into it. So when I started to get accolades for football, it felt like things were starting to turn around. And so I have this weight of the world of being able to achieve this dream for my mom. But at the same time, you're kind of thriving on people now care, and they're invested in you.
So it was this obsession around trying to look a certain way, get out there and play.
And at the time, the first round draft pick, it changed around when Sam Bradford, I think he was the last one in the old agreement. When he was signed, his signing bonus was like $65 million.
And that difference. And that's when you start to look at it of like, yeah, could I have afforded it, I would have been on HGH in a heartbeat. And I will do whatever I can because it was 4/10 of a second.
That's a lot of money involved.
[00:27:17] Speaker A: Jeez, that's crazy.
[00:27:18] Speaker B: But when I was done playing, it then became, if I'm not going to be in the NFL, I'm going to look like I'm in the NFL. And that's where things really took off.
And as life started to happen, I lost football.
I couldn't deal with my emotions.
I start to go through all of that, then my mom passes. And that's where it really became one, rampant, but two, about control.
And it went from being this, like, I'm doing everything I can to achieve a goal to now I'm hanging on to survive.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:27:52] Speaker B: And that Was where things would hit every single night at around 10pm when it was silent when my mom had passed. And now I try to recognize it of out the gates. When somebody passes in your life, you have so much support.
Give it three months.
And that's where you're not getting those phone calls all the time. And life, everyone starts to move on and all that. And that was where I set an
[00:28:20] Speaker A: alarm to remind myself, call that, Praise God, in three or six months from now.
[00:28:24] Speaker B: That's where it's almost like when out the gates, I send texts. Hey, no need to respond. Yeah, don't. Don't feel the pressure to respond three months from now, being able to check in on somebody because that's where the dust is settled and it becomes a slippery slope.
And that's where it all started to become. Because I couldn't control, you know, I wasn't working a job.
I didn't like it.
I couldn't control any other aspect of my life other than my food and working out. And so that's where it really became my advice that nobody could see, because again, they're applauding you.
And even when there were significant red flags, there was.
I got plenty of stories of that, but there was a time when I couldn't deal with my emotions.
I had had 24 of these protein bars and in one setting.
[00:29:19] Speaker A: So your binge purge.
[00:29:21] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:29:21] Speaker A: That was the. That was the expression of this for you.
[00:29:24] Speaker B: Yep. And it wasn't. That was the other thing. When you think of, like, purging, there were times for sure. There's a couple different ways to purge. Right. And a big piece of that, though, for me was the gym. This gonna go and burn all these calories.
[00:29:38] Speaker A: So it wasn't necessarily vomiting.
[00:29:39] Speaker B: Not vomiting. There's other forms that you can do.
[00:29:42] Speaker A: That was like 24 protein bars followed by four hours of lifting.
[00:29:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And you look at it and you're like, well, this is a healthy option. And this. But at the same, the joke was always each bar had, like, 24 grams of fiber. And I was, like, down for the count.
For, like, the next six days. I couldn't move.
But again, I was with my buddies. And even at the time, it was like, dude, that's in. That's insane. You can do that.
But nobody could realize I'm desperate for anything. So I did find myself isolated, depressed, suicidal, on the verge, and by the grace of God, I was listening to a podcast one day that I would have never listened to had I known it was about eating disorders.
But it was about eating disorders in the health and fitness space. When competitive, you step on stage and all that, and there's a lot of eating disorders involved and binge eating afterwards and all that.
That as I'm sitting there, I was like, this is my life. Like, what are they talking about? And that was where it was. Like, really? I was desperate for anything. And it did feel like God threw me a lifeline that I did not see coming, but I could finally hang my hat on. This is much bigger than myself.
[00:30:56] Speaker A: It was that coach.
[00:30:57] Speaker B: Well, it felt like I could take the weight of this thing called an eating disorder and be like, whoa. Because I've now lost all my discipline. I can't control anything.
[00:31:06] Speaker A: Oh. So it was just literally just real realizing through that podcast that it didn't even occur to you that this cycle was problematic.
[00:31:13] Speaker B: And I didn't even know an eating disorder. I just. I thought it was me. I was like, all I do is think about food. All I do is think about the gym. I would skip my friend's birthday parties. Cause I was like, it's at 10am that's my gym time. I was avoiding all that. And because I couldn't control the food, I would go to restaurants and bring my own food or try to eat before because I can't control the calories on the menu or any of that. Like, it got really controlling and obsessive.
But you're getting to your point. Applauded the whole time. So that was the first glimmer of hope going through that.
[00:31:47] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:31:48] Speaker B: And then it still, as I was battling all that, that was where eventually my coach comes in. A few of my other friends, all around the same time, started asking me about Jesus.
And the first one, I was like, what? No, dude, all right, I gotta go. But after about the fifth time, and that was where Coach Cabral came in. And I was like, there's something here. I need to listen. And that was where really started to solidify recovery in that piece. But, yeah, there was. It went from an obsession to then control.
[00:32:24] Speaker A: You know, this is a good reminder when you have that wound in your life that God's used, you know, to bring you closer to himself, frankly, to crack open so he can get deeper in there. And when he's healed, you don't hold that story back from other people. I'm so grateful for you doing this right now. You heard this podcast from a random dude.
It shows people, like, there's a way
[00:32:44] Speaker B: out, without a doubt.
[00:32:45] Speaker A: You know, you. You are like the road. You become like, people see It. Oh, wow. Yeah. This. This. This person went this way. I can. I can follow.
So thanks for doing that, man.
[00:32:55] Speaker B: Thank you. No, I appreciate you giving me the opportunity, because it is.
That is also the issue, too, of when males don't know about it or athletes as well.
It's very easy to look online and find all of the opposite. You can find. You could pay for anybody to give you the program. You can use AI now to design a full program and any of that.
But it's really hard to find males that have struggled in general, even just athletes talking about mental health. And it's slowly starting to get there.
But you start to look around for anybody willing to give you that inspiration. It's so easy to find the opposite
[00:33:38] Speaker A: and, you know, and serious fitness. I want to be clear, too. Like, it can be a great thing, 100%, but if we're not mindful of what's going on on the inside, like, it can so easily tip into control. And I think obsession is the red flag. You know, if I'm waking up and thinking about what I'm gonna eat and where I'm gonna work out, what time before I think about prayer, my kids, before I can take a deep breath and just be myself, be comfortable in my own skin, I'm tipping into problem zone.
[00:34:08] Speaker B: Yep. What's your motivation behind it? That's always the biggest thing of, like, again, find whatever makes you happy in fitness, and it doesn't need to be. One feels like everyone does the same thing. There is no right and wrong. What's gonna be consistent.
But wake. That was the biggest thing for me. Am I waking up because I want to punish myself, or am I waking up because I do enjoy the fitness and, you know, and there's times I don't feel like going to the gym. That's fine.
That's great. But you do it. You're disciplined, but you know in your heart, like, what is driving this? Was there something that triggered you to. Now you're gonna go beat yourself up, and that becomes a motivate. Motivating factor.
Same as in life with work. And there's a byproduct of money, and sometimes you're blessed with it.
But are you doing it for the reasons of vanity or whatever it might be? It can be the same thing in fitness.
[00:35:07] Speaker A: Once you're upset, you could become obsessed with the success.
[00:35:09] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:35:10] Speaker A: Then everything you're waking up before you look at the daily readings. You're looking at the Dow, Correct?
[00:35:15] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:35:15] Speaker A: These are all cues where your treasure Is there you'll find your heart.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And it, you know, it can come and go quick. And so that's where it's like, you better have Jesus in your life and understanding that bigger piece of all of it. Cause it can quickly, you know.
[00:35:32] Speaker A: Dude, one of the greatest blessings is injuries, frankly.
[00:35:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:34] Speaker A: Cause I'm a really, like, driven kind of guy. And I've gotten into this workout program. And thank you for noticing, but no. I was starting to obsess a little bit. I'm just thinking of like, oh, dude, I gotta keep an eye on that. But. But I threw my back out. And it's like, huh, well, can't do a dang thing. And the Lord just like, hey, relax.
[00:35:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:35:50] Speaker A: What you can do is sit in your couch like a normal dude.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: 100%.
[00:35:56] Speaker A: It's like, oh, this actually feels kind of good to sit in my couch and eat a cookie.
[00:35:59] Speaker B: Well. And that's where, too, when you see it in athletics, how much of the depression, anxiety, suicide rates happen around an injury because they've lost their identity. And people ask me, you know, with football, and now I have a little son, people said that when they ask me, like, will you let your boy play football? And a lot of that question revolves around cte, which that's obviously is a whole nother thing that is far less my cte. The brain injury and the brain trauma and kind of that consistent damage to the brain. And what it does.
[00:36:41] Speaker A: Have you experienced that through football? Yeah.
[00:36:43] Speaker B: Not me. Yeah, not me. I hope not. It's really hard to detect until you've passed or any of that. But it's always the boogeyman in the room. But for me, my bigger concern and where I fell into is it became my identity. It wasn't Christ. It wasn't my faith.
It was 100%. I'm Patrick, the football player.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:37:05] Speaker B: And you see that the league average in the NFL is three years. It's three years and three games. Because you get put on the league's pension program, and it's even.
[00:37:14] Speaker A: The average is three years.
[00:37:16] Speaker B: Yeah. You look at a guy, the anomaly, three games, three years and three games.
And if the fourth game, that's the pension. So if you're a borderline guy, they'll just cut you and pay the rookie.
And that's where it's like. You look at a guy like Tom Brady, and it's like, he played till he's 41, but even then you're still young or 40, whatever.
But it's even worse now where I'm more concerned about these college athletes that I go back to see you. And I'm like, this 18 year old has way more money than I do in the bank and who knows what he's gonna do with it. That becomes your identity.
You're 22 and you're done.
And so unless you're Christ centered, there was a stat, I think it's 80% of the guys that get done playing are divorced, clinically depressed and or suicidal, bankrupt.
Because you lose your identity. And it's, you see the suicide rates in the military too, of once you're done, it's just now what phase of life.
[00:38:14] Speaker A: Who am I?
[00:38:15] Speaker B: Who am I?
[00:38:15] Speaker A: It's the evil one's great attack. Without a doubt, he approached Jesus in the desert. The temptation was, if you are the son of God, of course Jesus wasn't going to be tripped up by that. But the devil's playbook is like this thick, you know, it's really thin. This is all I got, man. But he tries it on us and it works all the time.
[00:38:31] Speaker B: Without a doubt.
[00:38:31] Speaker A: If you have a father or if you have an actual identity as a son. No, you don't. So you're a spiritual orphan. You have to become a football player by your own power. You have to matter. You have to be something. By working out and binging and purging.
Yes, Jesus saved us from that, from that crazy train.
[00:38:47] Speaker B: Without a doubt. And when you're desperate, grasping for anything and you're looking at maybe an easy way out or the temptations involved. Sign me up.
[00:38:57] Speaker A: Yeah. So the most important thing is come to Jesus. Learn to rest in him. What's that look like?
What's that look like? Practically when you're in it, you know, when your head's swirling around with the stuff, what form does that take?
And then presuming someone's trying to lean into faith to help in those moments, what's the practical steps psychologically and with the help that you have to seek? Like someone's maybe watching right now, like, okay, I have a basic faith, but you're kicking this up for me, buddy. I'm realizing I have problems. Yeah, what do I do with this faith? And then what do I, you know, how do I reach and grab for help? I'm drowning.
[00:39:37] Speaker B: I think most importantly, first thing comes to mind is don't put too much pressure on yourself. Of yeah, I think especially as males. But when you're in that thick of it, you want the answer now, you want the fix.
[00:39:49] Speaker A: Panicked.
[00:39:50] Speaker B: Panicked. And it's like you feel so far behind. And you are. If you are starting to realize some of those emotions, it is very much a marathon, not a sprint in recovery. And trying to get through that because, again, you're so desperate to change. But the devil's always going to be there to tempt you, try to bring you back down.
And for me, when it came to the faith piece, it consistently, even still, like you're throwing spaghetti at the wall. Is it listening to your podcast and then is it going to Father Mike's Bible in a year? And then is it going to. You have to, at least for me, inundate myself and as much as possible to find that, because I. I can listen to you and get super motivated, walk out and get tempted. And I'm just. Everything you said went out the door. And it is that continual process. But for me, you put out something recently.
My biggest challenge is silence.
And especially as a male or an athlete coach, tell me how high to jump and I'll jump. Tell me to jump. I have no idea what that means. I don't live in the gray. I need black and white answers.
[00:41:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:07] Speaker B: So it. It. For me, the biggest challenge is like a holy hour. Like, I'm saying it out loud. I'm panicking, man. I need.
Yeah. I can't do it like, step my wife. That's her happy place for me. I need music. I need, you know, all of that. That.
Some things that I had to realize, some things that work for somebody, it's not. And you admire them and look at. Look up to them.
[00:41:34] Speaker A: Start where you are.
[00:41:35] Speaker B: That. That was the biggest piece.
[00:41:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: And understanding that's okay. And again, when it goes back to even what we're saying of what you're wearing in a mask or any of those, it can seem like there's so many. That was the biggest learning curve for me, too, of what felt like rules in the Catholic faith and going to confession for X, Y and Z or whatever it might be.
Quickly you realize they're not rules. Right. And it's guiding you in a much better place, but overcoming some of those, but realizing, like, everything looks different for certain people. And now I am getting a little bit more comfortable with silence.
But my holy hour in my mind was like, it has to be an hour or, you know, dang. The same obsessive thing 100% across the board. And that was actually out the gates. You. If Steph was here. I became so obsessed, and I still love it. But confession, because it was a rule book, it was a sandbox. It was.
I Found myself, like, there is the black and white. Like, did I do it? Did I not did it? You know, but then also trying to not obsess or beat myself up if something happened. I think there is that grace in it. But quickly, it can obsess in your faith life. And then you can see it where it's like, oh, you did holy. I did two.
You did three. Oh, I did four.
[00:42:56] Speaker A: Actually.
[00:42:57] Speaker B: I did four and I did.
[00:42:58] Speaker A: I meant four and five minutes.
[00:42:59] Speaker B: That's.
[00:42:59] Speaker A: Yeah, you said you did four as well.
[00:43:01] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right. That's cool.
I forgot about the one I did this morning too. That's crazy. It can quickly escalate, right? But finding. You know, I saw something online.
[00:43:12] Speaker A: It's not Jim Bros. It's Chapel Bros. That's it.
[00:43:14] Speaker B: Yeah, 100%. And you get that competitiveness and it.
I saw something the other day that was like, every man needs.
And I could not tell you who said this. I forget. But it was on YouTube. Every man needs a friend. They need three type of friends in their life. And it. It hit me so hard for some reason.
You need somebody that's kind of like a mentor that's gonna guide you and hold you accountable and kind of walk with you. You need somebody that is. No matter is a confidant. You can go to tell them anything. You're not gonna feel judged, but they're also gonna walk with you through it and go through that. And then you need somebody that you can call at 2am and say, I need you here.
The only question they ask is, where are you? I'm on my way. Right?
And as I started to reflect on that one, you're lucky if you find one of those in your life. But being able to find those in the church, whether starting with your pastor and being able to hear the messages and find it within friends, within Bible studies or whatever it might be, but also Jesus and being able to then turn again the minute you move, or the somebody could be so close, like it even happened. You know, I was around you all the time, and then we move up north and it just becomes harder in those phases. So if I'm relying so much on that and then there's a curveball where it's not as accessible, it's not as easy to get that mentorship again. If you can just open up the word, have your routine continually throwing different things in your life, inundating yourself with those messages from Jesus. And however that looks, that is the only consistent thing that will forever be there. No matter. And that was something, too, that when we were going through with my wife, one of the things she said is, you can go to mass in Italy and it's in Italian, or you're in South America. I might not know what to say, but I know what's happening. Right. Like, where we're at in the mass, which was so beautiful to me because again, it pointed to, like, the church is still standing for a reason.
You can go anywhere. You're gonna get fed that way. And it's not banking on one person.
Any of that.
[00:45:42] Speaker A: How did. So I'm hearing a couple threads here.
One is just right away, give it to the Lord and try and don't put so much.
Don't import the same pressure you're putting yourself with. Eating into the spiritual category.
Just come as you are, 100%, you know, and I love when I'm in a bad place, especially just thinking of the Lord looking at me with love. Yep. Just start there. He's. He's just looking at me with love. And I got nothing to bring right now, Lord, just. But you. But you bring it on the cross. And I'm gonna sit here with you.
[00:46:11] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:46:11] Speaker A: And let you love me.
[00:46:12] Speaker B: Especially if you come from a background that you don't have that in your life. It's very awkward to think somebody can love you.
[00:46:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:21] Speaker B: No matter what dumb decision you're making or your past or any of that.
[00:46:26] Speaker A: It's incredible.
[00:46:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:46:28] Speaker A: So we got that. Then we got. Come out of the shame and talk to people. Especially for guys who, like, this is a total stigma.
Talk to somebody.
80% of suicides are men.
Because men don't talk to people. We are not supposed to be weak.
[00:46:42] Speaker B: Correct. Pick up your bootstraps.
[00:46:44] Speaker A: Right. I had another guest I was talking to about a feminine privilege, which is, you know, there's a patriarchy, there's a matriarchy. Matriarchy says we're allowed to talk to each other about our weaknesses. Men are like, no, rub some dirt in it. Oh, how's that working for you? Okay. So 80% of suicides are men. Well, these things are tied together, you know, but there's a feminine privilege in, like, this is the norm. Well, let's push back against that as men and come out of the hiding. The first words of humanity to the Father after receiving all his blessings is, I was naked, I was ashamed, I was afraid, and I hid.
And I get why. It's like an animal that's injured goes and hides.
[00:47:22] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:47:22] Speaker A: You know, it makes sense.
Especially when you Got to be the provider, you got to show up, you know, but that's all right. Let's do the opposite of what our DNA is telling us to do and talk to somebody. And dude, I'm so honored if a friend calls me like I need help. Yeah, that's my chance to be a blessing to somebody. Give somebody the opportunity to show up
[00:47:44] Speaker B: and the courage, you know, it takes a lot to pick up that phone and that's, you know, the devil's gonna hide in isolation and that's where he's gonna tell, you know, you know better than I do. But I believe that, that when you're my own, my worst enemy is myself. So if I'm not willing to say it to somebody else, I'm gonna be attacked left and right in this contest. Continual spiritual warfare. But if the minute, and it happens all the time, where, if I just say it to you, where I'm struggling with something, the weight of it disappears, like it's out, you know, and you, you live in that realm of just being able to say it out loud to somebody versus in my thoughts where it's gonna stuck in your head totally escalate. Yep.
[00:48:25] Speaker A: Gets so much bigger than it actually is when you're head alone. Yep.
I wanna talk about cognitive behavioral therapy too and how that ties in with faith.
And it does profoundly. I like the desert. Father Evagorus of Pontus, he experienced lots of temptations in the desert as a monk and he wrote down scriptures to answer each one. And this is before cognitive behavioral therapy. He's like, I'm going to do the work.
And he called the little thing he wrote up, he just wrote on the top of it, talking back,
[00:48:54] Speaker B: boom.
[00:48:55] Speaker A: Talk back to the evil one.
How does the cognitive behavioral therapy tie with faith?
You're still in the battle. Like this isn't something you just exit, right?
[00:49:03] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:49:04] Speaker A: What do you have to keep telling yourself about your identity and who you are? And actually rewind. Give us a 90 second overview too of what cognitive behavioral therapy looks like and how it ties in with your faith and what is it a little more. And how you're using it now with Jesus.
[00:49:22] Speaker B: That was an interesting journey for me and I've definitely probably going to butcher the explanation. I'll just say what it meant for me.
The premise and my understanding of it was that feeling that drives me to binge or you know, overcompensate with the gym, purge, whatever it was.
When you start to feel those emotions instead of being driven to go do it, finding something to replace it that is healthy.
Right?
[00:49:52] Speaker A: You can't. You can't just have a void. That doesn't help.
[00:49:55] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:49:55] Speaker A: You got to put something else in
[00:49:56] Speaker B: the vice that all of a sudden you start to get worked up and you're going to sprint. And most time you're sprinting to the old things that don't work.
So being able to replace it with something that is productive and can help navigate those thoughts and that. Those emotions and, you know, that was actually a harder process for me. Again, I didn't have faith. So it was like, you know, the therapist at the time was like, all right, when you start to get those feelings, go on a walk and. And go do this. And I'm like, I don't want to go on a walk. Like, that's not. Yeah, that doesn't help me. I don't want to go on a walk ever. Like, play the guitar. I don't play the guitar. I don't. So finding what worked for me and could be my new outlet, and that took a lot of work to get there, to find something that I would want. Want to do in those moments.
And to me, I. And I'm also. I'm not a reader. And I've. At this point in my life, I have zero shame admitting that it. It makes it.
You know, I'm. I'm an audio guy.
[00:51:01] Speaker A: Me too.
[00:51:01] Speaker B: Audiobooks.
[00:51:02] Speaker A: Audio books.
[00:51:02] Speaker B: I can't, like, just sit down and Steph makes fun of me. I just finished the Bible in a year.
And I'm also sound like I'm on like 2x, you know, like, I. But I feel like I can comprehend that 2x.
[00:51:16] Speaker A: Father Schmitz is impressive.
Cause he's already.
[00:51:19] Speaker B: Don't quiz me on any of it. I. I finished it, but I could probably go back and listen to a lot of it.
But again, I'm. I'm consistently. My brain is that way. And that's why I hate silence. Like, I need. I. I need that. That pace. And it.
[00:51:34] Speaker A: I.
[00:51:35] Speaker B: When I hear him talking on, like, the regular speed, and I'm like, oh, he is a fast talker. But it's not fast enough for me.
And it's not even genuine. Like, I'm trying to fly through it. It's just. That's.
[00:51:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. It's just the speed of your brain.
[00:51:47] Speaker B: I have too much add, and I just go that route.
So that can be challenging on that piece. And even coming into the church way later, I think there was a lot of benefits in that of. You know, you talk about with, like, cradle Catholics and everyone can say the prayers and do all that, but they don't really know why. And I think I try to look for that with my own kids. Now we are raising them, trying to go very Catholic in that route and prayers and all of that. But I feel, like, aware to that. But I've had. So I had the blessing of, like, really comprehending and trying to understand and going through rca. I, like, ate it up.
But also, like, for the long time, I was like, I don't know the St. Michael prayer. Like, you know, you have so much to learn out the gates that it was like, finally getting to the point where I was able to tackle one thing at a time.
But now trying to throw myself into.
There's a.
Like, if. If.
If I had to do the full rosary by myself again, I'm gonna make fun of myself. Like, I. I'm gonna struggle.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:52:56] Speaker B: It feels forever. And, yeah, you're doing all these decades. But then I find a podcast that are of people reading the rosary for you. It's the sisters out of. They were like, in Tennessee. I'm going Nashville.
[00:53:09] Speaker A: Dominicans.
[00:53:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:53:11] Speaker A: Great ladies.
[00:53:11] Speaker B: God, they have the best rosary of all time.
[00:53:14] Speaker A: Really.
[00:53:15] Speaker B: Oh, it was on Spotify. I came across it one day.
[00:53:18] Speaker A: Okay, we'll link below the video.
[00:53:19] Speaker B: Oh, it was.
I like it. It gives me chills. I'll listen to that all day long. And I can walk around and I can comprehend it.
[00:53:26] Speaker A: So a lot of CBT started to take the form of literally putting good holy things in your head 100%. I mean, whatever is beautiful, whatever is good, whatever you know is noble. Think of these things, Paul said, and set your mind on things above, not on things of earth. And there's a dang. A lot of things click into place.
Yeah. Don't they?
[00:53:47] Speaker B: Everything starts to make, like, make sense. You can, like, you feel it different than if you're just gonna go listen to some motivational thing and you hear that quote of, like, motivation's like taking a shower. You need to do it every day.
But when it came for me with, like, scripture and the Word and Jesus, it is something that's there. Like, it's not just. You need to find a new podcaster that's gonna give you that spark of energy for the next seven minutes.
And you need to do it every day and dive into it. Otherwise, that's where you're going to get your temptations and whatnot. But.
And again, I think meeting yourself where you're at is the biggest thing.
First thing that I ever came Across. I went to Seek back when it was in Indianapolis. And I wasn't confirmed yet. I was just coming.
[00:54:39] Speaker A: Was I talking at seek that?
[00:54:41] Speaker B: And it was also.
[00:54:43] Speaker A: I spoke at, like, all of them for the first five years of seeks.
[00:54:47] Speaker B: You should understand. When we showed up to Lord's and Steph saw you for the first time, and I was like, who's Chris? Like, what is happening? She was like, there's Chris over there. Like, I was like, okay. Then I started to be that guy. And then we finally met.
But I remember when I showed up and you're at the front and they're like, we were doing registration and I'm gonna butcher it now, too. But they're like, oh, yeah, you might help me out here. But down the hall, go to the right.
There's the saint's heart. Is Sacred Heart.
[00:55:19] Speaker A: Sacred Heart of Jesus.
[00:55:20] Speaker B: No.
[00:55:21] Speaker A: Oh, John Vianney.
[00:55:22] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:55:23] Speaker A: John Vianney's incorrupt heart. Yeah.
[00:55:24] Speaker B: Was at the seacon years ago. I'm saying, I look at Steph, I
[00:55:27] Speaker A: was like, like, as a non Catholic, like, this is super.
[00:55:30] Speaker B: I couldn't even get hairspray on the plane. What is this? What is happening right now? Like, what? And then the first talk we went to was Scott says, Scott Hahn's fourth cup.
[00:55:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:55:39] Speaker B: And I was like, what are we talking about?
[00:55:42] Speaker A: I just jumped in the defense pool.
[00:55:44] Speaker B: Yeah. I was like, sounds fascinating. Everyone's taking notes. So I'm like, what are we doing? So I did have. And you know, again, I was surrounded by people that could take those baby steps, but I easily could have hit eject and was like, this is too much. I don't fit in. I don't know any of the stuff that's happening. And by the grace of God, I didn't.
But I did have to. Like, even still of I can't compare myself with somebody else, somebody else's faith wise.
And then that's what allows somebody to get to that point in recovery, to resort back to faith and not the temptations of the world that you can quickly resort to because it's the easier out. It's more attractive, it's more tempting. You think it's the right way, but then sure enough, you're gonna be back on your knees crawling to faith. So holding that and just knowing, like, trusting that and not trying to learn the hard way, like I did over and over again until, you know, Christ started to show himself. And I was like, I can't do this on my own. And that that was where things really Took a turn for me.
[00:57:01] Speaker A: Let's end with a prayer.
[00:57:02] Speaker B: Let's do it.
[00:57:03] Speaker A: So Steve, wherever you're at, you're watching. Just close your eyes and let's sit in the presence of the Lord for just a minute and just imagine your heavenly Father just looking at you with unconditional love. He doesn't want anything from you, he just loves you just because you're his K.
Lord, thank you for how you treasure us just because we're your children and you're our Father.
Teach us to rest in that.
Help us to come out of any shame in our life, to talk to people, to get help that we need and help us to follow the example of Paul who said I'd take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. And a Vagarius Apontas who talked back.
And then a Patrick who battled the evil of eating disorders in his life and still does.
Teach us to talk back, Lord, whenever the evil one comes to us and whispers, if you are a son of God or daughter of God, help us to answer and rest in the truth. I am a child of God.
I am your son. I am your daughter.
Thank you Lord for loving me.
Teach us to rest in you.
Amen. Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
[00:58:47] Speaker B: Well, it was good to sit with you right there. That was again I could sit in silence with you and have you guide me on that.
That was amazing.
[00:58:54] Speaker A: Praise God. Love you man. Thank you so much, dude.
[00:58:57] Speaker B: What a great dude.
[00:58:58] Speaker A: Praise God, really. Thanks for the just the fearless open honesty.
[00:59:04] Speaker B: Thank you for the opportunity.
[00:59:05] Speaker A: Takes courage and it's a great watching and I love you guys.
Thanks so much. We'll see you next time.
